Create Your "V" Plan

Time to time and especially around Valentine’s Day, you might be paying more attention to your personal life and wondering whether you have love in your life or not. What is the quality of your personal life? How is your relationship with your partner? For some there might be a high probability that the current state of your life is not what you grew up dreaming, your parents wished, your siblings expected or your friends anticipated.

So what to do?
This is a situation where not everything is in our control. We are not dealing with just self or self-love, we are crossing the boundary of our comfort zone and entering into the totally unknown or not-so-known territory of another individual. Because of involvement of other party, the situations do not depend entirely on you and thus relationships are complicated to start, build, sustain and grow. Therefore all your fears, uncertainties and doubts (FUDs) are natural and justified.

Here is the limitation and the sad true fact: “We can not custom create our life partner.”
We can custom create machines, systems or soft-wares but we just can’t do anything when humans are involved. Matching sites offer the criteria but again people can lie, misrepresent, exaggerate and fool. Or chances could be that your true partner might not be in the resource pool itself which you are trying to desperately narrow-down and diligently filter.

So if you can not create your counter-part then, what is the next best option?
Finding someone who exceeds, matches or comes very close to our ideal life partner, provided you deserve your desires. For example, it is unrealistic to desire an athletic slim attractive partner if you over-weigh or in poor physical shape. You might still get such partner, though then the motives most likely will not be correct. The basis of that relationship could be money, easy living, lavish life-style or security instead of the main basis which is mutual “love.”

Your situation is most likely to fall into one the following cases:

Case I: You find a Soul-mate
If your partner exceeds or matches your expectations then you are in select few group of either smart or lucky beings. Smart, if you planned right and executed your plan-of-action well to find your partner. Lucky, if you happened to be at the right place, at right time, in right conditions and identify the right partner and then subsequently making the right moves. You can be both smart as well as lucky which significantly increases your chances of living the charmed blissful life.

Case II: You run into Bad-mates
If you are not-so-smart or naive or inexperienced then you end up making some wrong choices. You might lack judgment in picking your partner. Most likely you might be acting impatiently and mindlessly. Consequences will obviously be in accordance to your selection, choice, action and decision. The life will never change if you do not learn from the experiences, the consequences and keep repeating the same mistakes hoping a different outcome. You must first pause and think of your flaws which cause the breakage of your relationships, before moving on to the next one, blaming others. Because if the fault is in you, then that relationship will also succumb to the same fate. It is highly unlikely that you are the only one faultless and everyone else is wrong each and every-time.

Case III: Being with Real-mate
The category most of the people fall into is where their match is a mixture of what they love and like as well as the stuff they hate and do not like. Here “love” and “hate” are strong words which stand for big issues, which are non-negotiable and cause contempt leading to significant loss of love and respect. Whereas “like” and “dis-like” are minor issues which are livable but living will improve and life will be happier if both individuals are willing to acknowledge these not-so-liked-factors and work on them till the issues get either neutralized or transformed into the preferred liking zone.

What to do in the situations, when things are not working out?
One easy option is to run away. Though that option is more or less always open. The only price to pay for not going ahead with the first option of quitting is investment of your additional time and efforts. Better, in this situation is to really think, communicate and do your best due diligence to overcome challenges. If nothing works out then in the worst case scenario evaluate the options you are left with. To make things simple, managed and in-control, below is the four step process to bell the cat called relationship:

Step I: Making a list
The first step is to list all the issues together, small as well as big ones. Communication is the key here. Participation of both partners is mandatory. If your partner is unwilling to involve, then that shows that he or she is not having much interest in the long term relationship. Even if the relationship could last, still it will not be so happy, rewarding and fulfilling due to unaddressed issues. The good news is that these issues are solvable and can be easily solved through this exercise.

Step II: Categorization
Then second step is to categorize the identified issues, listed in step I. There are four categories:

  1. Big Issues
  2. Medium Issues
  3. Small Issues
  4. Missing Issues

Big issues are really important ones and if not addressed will be the sure causes of relationship failure. Additions to substances can be a big issue. Continuity of romantic relationship with someone else could also be a large one.

Then comes medium issues, which are not as fatal as the big ones, though must be addressed after the big ones as they might create continuous arguments leading to slow deterioration of relationship. Whether to buy a house or not, and who will pay the bills are examples of some of the medium issues.

Then remaining trivial issues should fall into small category. These can be as little as choice of cream or hair-oil as per the timing, liking or disliking of your counter-part.

Finally you should have one last category which comprises of the things you are missing or lacking in your relationships. These are things which are “good to have.” These are the items, which currently do not exist in your partner which you can term good or bad, though these are the things you desire and wish in your partner and relationship. For example, if you like giving and receiving gifts and your partner does not, then list this item in your list. Addition of these items in your lives will build a better, happier and fulfilling relationship over the period of time. 

Step III: Prioritization & Action-Plan
After categorization, one needs to prioritize the issues in order to solve them. Not everything can be done at once. Doing everything at once, might result in not completing anything. The best approach is to take one issue at a time, focus on it, think through all the possible different solutions, decide on the best one and make a time-bound action-plan to accomplish the desired outcome. Then move to the next issue.

The success of overcoming the first issue will increase your confidence and will encourage you to do more, seeing the rewards in your partner’s attitude and behavior.

Step IV: Feedback & Evaluation
Making a plan itself is not enough. The plan needs to be reviewed periodically. You need to gauge the progress being made if any. Are things moving forward in the right direction or going downhill in wrong direction? We need to set-up a dedicated time, at least once in a month, to evaluate the happenings. If your partner is not serious at all and nothing got done, then it is a matter of time when the love might evaporate and relationship might disappear. If both partners are committed and they want to do progress faster, they can review their plan weekly.
 
If nothing is getting solved, your life is becoming worse, your frustration is increasing and you are concluding the relationship as hopeless, then it is the time to take some tough decisions. Please do communicate to your partner your displeasure and seriousness as well as the consequences. There should not be any heart-breaking unpleasant surprises. You should not just run-away, block communication or disappear.

The criteria of your final decision might be based on the honest answers to direct questions such as:
Do the likings still outweighs the dis-likings?
Are the big issues solvable? Will they ever be solved?
Is your partner willing to address the issues at all?
Is your life happy, fun, meaningful and fulfilling in the company of your partner at least sometimes despite of occasional slips?
Does life gets better, remain stagnant or become worse as time passes in the relationship?

Whatever decision you take, inform your partner preferably in-person. Do not rush the time in such tough meeting as this could be the last chance for your partner to express his or her emotions, thoughts, and views. If you deep down still want relationship to survive and seeing the seriousness of the situation your partner is willing to give the last best effort, you might consider it. People are complex creatures and you never know when anyone can turn-around, get inspired, transform their lives forever and in the process also change your belief system pleasantly and positively.

Relationship Plan:
In the same context, if you see the above technique working effectively in your relationship, you can extend it further to not only manage and fix the issues but also plan your life, activities and projects together. Just like there is a “Business Plan” for businesses, call this spreadsheet or document your “Relationship Plan”, “Joint Plan”, “Family Plan”, “Us Plan”, “We Plan” or “V Plan.” For us we will call it “V” plan. “V” stands for Valentine as well as also for Victory.

See the magic of infusion of such a plan in your Life Inc. List all the joint projects here, with clear work division and achieve more in life through your now effective successful private team, rather than just struggling alone. Shared responsibilities will make enterprise more fun and less burdensome. Your differences which you saw till now as liabilities, will turn into assets as they become the necessary complementary skills needed for the completion of the project thus improving the chances of success significantly. Without any delay, take charge of your relationship, making it the best ship to sail happily with your partner towards your destination in the rough ocean of life.

Price: $99.00

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